True erectile dysfunction experiences, but with the names changed.
All sorts of guys come to see me for all sorts of sex anxiety problems. These are erectile dysfunction experiences of real clients.
New Partner Problem
Sam contacted me by email; as a sex anxiety problem goes, his situation is the most common erectile dysfunction experiences I deal with. This is part of his email. “Erection failure is an issue that has affected me a few times in the past at the start of a new relationship. It has always been the case that I’ve gotten over it, it can take a few attempts. When relaxed and on my own I do not have a problem being hard. The reason I am contacting you is, I have started a new relationship, and this has become an issue again. My partner is not very understanding and I want it sorted out properly.”
Sam and I worked together, during which some old learned responses where tackled. The new girlfriend found enough patience to wait. Change can be very quick. Most guys get the result they want in one intensive two hour session, a few don’t. I like to be honest and tell you this up front. I can help most guys but not everyone, have a chat with me and you will get an honest answer..
Not every erectile dysfunction experience is the same, because not every man is the same.
Stuck In A Bind
Mike is in his mid-forties, and recently divorced. The latter years of his marriage were sex-less and the separation reasonably amicable. His sex anxiety problem started after he found a girlfriend. Solo erections had never been a problem for him, the difficulties started to happen with the girlfriend. It was not about any lack of sexual experience for him. This is a man with two adult children, and many years of sexual experience in early adulthood. The problem was maintaining an erection with the new girlfriend. A failure early on in the relationship had cut his confidence. Mike was now stuck in a bind of expecting his own failure whilst racked with desires and sexual urges for the new woman in his life. Added to which was the pressure from her to get on with it. Her patience and understanding had worn thin..
I saw mike twice, each session was a week apart. Most guys see me once for a two hour session. For Mike it was obvious we needed to have a second session; there was a lot of ground to cover. I gave Mike homework and told to give me feedback by email. What I got was an email from his girlfriend about a month later, and to be blunt about it, she had kept a score sheet. The result was 6 out of 10 attempts at successful penetration..
The Effect of Stress
John is a younger man, in his mid-twenties, living with his girlfriend and holding down a high-pressure sales job. They had a wedding date set for eight months’ time. Never before in his life had he ever an erectile dysfunction experience at all. He was a very fit man who ran long distances for fun. He is intelligent and determined to excel in everything he wanted to. The problem is, he lost his sexual function. He was able to say exactly when it all happened too.
Some months before a competition at his work place started. The prize is to win a very expensive, famous brand name wristwatch. He wanted it so much, and he put himself under extreme pressure and stress to achieve it. He wore the it to our first session together. It was during this time of stress and pressure when his first ever erection failure happened. His fiancé was very ungracious about it; which only compounded his own extreme reaction.
A very memorable client
He had his second session and now he is happily married, and over achieving again.
The Impact Of Repressing Sex In The Family Home On A Teenager
James is a very different case, his is not a typical erectile dysfunction experience. When we met he had turned 30 and was single again. He called himself a late starter only experiencing penetration sex for the first time at university. He described it as disastrous. Isn’t everyone’s first experience poor? James stayed with this girl in an emotional roller coaster relationship for a few years. It then fell apart, with a lot of acrimony and stress. Two more short relationships followed where maintaining his erection was very hit and miss… He never felt confident, comfortable or enjoyed it. he describes it as a chore, an obligation that scared him. Recently his sex anxiety problem began to cause erection failure when solo. He saw his GP who found nothing physically amiss. A referral to a waiting list for a NHS funded place with a CBT therapist followed.
Sex had always a taboo subject in the family home with all sexual references suppressed. As a teen he learned to be fearful about sex, which carried on into his adult life.
James and I had four sessions together over six weeks. That is very rare, one session is normal. After the third session things improved and he was able to achieve and maintain an erection when solo. His excessive porn addiction was the focus of the fourth session. What you see on the screen is artificial. The more James became familiar with the fantasy stimulation of porn, the greater his detachment from reality. Real life, with its warts and all, is never going to do it for you.
When James decides he wants an emotional and physical relationship combined, we will do a fifth session. Until then, he is happy taking his pleasure solo with an occasional visit to a sex worker.
The Less Common Situations
Though many others I have seen are unique. Jay for example, is a homosexual man who normally takes the dominant role in a relationship. This all changed when he started to experience erection failures. He was my the first homosexual client. Making a difference for him took a while. I have since then worked with several other gay clients with sexual anxiety problems. I have no prejudices about what type of consenting adult turns you on, it’s only your thoughts and feelings about it that interest me.